I have personally
experienced a behavioral trait that seems to be prevalent these days. In order to make people feel good about
themselves people lend themselves to lies and deception. It is no longer acceptable to say something
is wrong or bad. So we speak in
relativistic terms to one another saying if it works for you then it’s good, or
if it came from within you then it’s ok.
The person feels good and that seems to be more important than hearing
constructive criticism on how to improve something that really isn’t good and
really isn’t ok.
I was working on a
term paper for a class I was taking in Grad school. When I chose the topic I thought it would be
interesting. As I did my research I discovered that the founder and leader of a
religious group I was writing about was really a very disturbed person. I had difficulty in figuring out how to deal
with that and then how to write the paper.
I wrote a paper that was truly awful and I knew it. I hemmed and hawed, not wanting to tell the
truth that I was discovering. It was one
of those papers I was not happy about turning in but did not want to fail the
class either. The teacher was way to
general and way to kind in her grading, not wanting to make me feel bad. Then I felt even worse because she didn’t
call me out. I wrote her a steaming
letter venting my frustration at not being told that what I knew was a really
bad paper was a bad paper. Thankfully I
did not send that letter, out of respect for her and I knew she was doing what
was expected of her by the school. Some
time later I ran into this teacher off school property and we ended up having a
discussion about that paper. I told her
my dilemma and she told me how disappointed she was that I didn’t write the
truth, and settle for a substandard paper.
That was what I wanted to hear when I got my paper back. It made me respect her even more, but also
become very dubious of a school system where that would happen. The second experience was the same but I knew
I was up against a way of responding in the world today so I was quiet.
This behavior was
not new to me. The general acceptance of
it was and still is. I saw some of this
happening while I was working at Camp.
Our Camp had various activities that were competitive sports. During the
season we would have competitions between the Girl’s Camp and the Boy’s Camp
that included Air Rifle/Archery, swimming, and various Lake
activities. The kids found it fun and
learned how to be good winners and good losers, which I believe are useful life
lessons. We would end the season with ways to show parents what their kids had
been working on all summer. The Girl’s
Camp had a Horse Show, complete with ribbons being awarded to first, second,
and third place. The Boy’s Camp had a
Red Shirt completion that was made up of Lake
and Rock Climbing Activities. A Red
Shirt was awarded to the campers who mastered these activities by the end of
camp. The kids had no problems with
these achievement oriented competitions.
The whole camp would clap as these awards were given out at assembly and
the kids who didn’t win anything left camp with a resolve that next year they
would be standing up on that stage receiving these awards. The parents were a
different story.
Our Camp had been
built on these strong traditions. We
didn’t change much over the twenty five years that I worked there. My first 13 years were from 1965 – 1978. Back them the parents would come out and
cheer their kids on and fully supported our philosophy of working hard to
achieve something and being rewarded for that achievement. My second 12 years were 1995 – 2006. Something had changed. The parents called and lodged complaints that
their child did not receive a ribbon, because everyone should be given a ribbon
just for participating; everyone should be given a red shirt if they tried
really hard but didn’t complete the requirements. Competition had become a dirty word and
unacceptable because it made kids feel bad.
My snarky response to the complaints I was getting was I think they were
more hurt because their parents didn’t take time to come out and watch them as
they performed, but those words stayed in my head. I simply explained that the philosophy of the
Camp is that being rewarded for accomplishments is a good thing for kids; it
honors those who receive them and it gives those who don’t something to work
towards next year. I explained that we,
as a staff, want every child to master the activities at Camp, and in life, and
we work hard with the kids to allow that to happen. Many of our staff gave up their lunch time
and free time to work with kids that needed it.
At the end of the day the kids knew that when they got that ribbon or
red shirt, they deserved it because they worked for it; it wasn’t just given to
them. I think that is a much needed life
lesson, especially in the world today where we dumb down rather that aim high
in life.
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